to abundance the bowl was full sugar skin popped with her teeth in the kitchen they were talking the words got louder and faster like the cars in the morning it's ok she reached up to say there's plenty
I always thought I was a
good swimmer. Until my leg-rope broke, and the world turned upside down, and
then flipped it round and round. Hair and sand and swimmers a knotted ball of
twine, I barely gasped a gulp of air before the next wave came. Then another
and relentlessly another, my chest got tight with panic and fright, animal
instincts just screamed, reach for the light. The current dragged and more
waves loomed there was nothing I could do. Spent, I gave up and then I just let
go. Somewhere in that over and over I felt the rhythm of that rolling ragdoll
dance and a crooked smile found itself stuck to the side of my face, plus the
seaweed and red-faced gratitude as I washed up on the sand.
Here’s a list of other
things I’ve come to know some of them with grace but most with a similar
surrender and a certain length of time . . .
What I’ve come to know
From school I realised
that your strengths can carry your
weaknesses, until they grow
From painting and the
whole creative process, I get every time - listen to the muse and keep going through the ‘arrgh this is
horrendous!’ stage - it’s a part of the process.
From a BA in Visual Art,
a piece of paper and a prize came when I
did my thing and kept doing it.
From Pro Surfing I found
if you immerse yourself, do something
every day and hang around with people who are better than you, you’ll get
From a Post Grad in Education
minor Special Ed - everyone’s special.
From Twelve Step
Programs I learned the grace of
anonymity and the strength of
From Facilitating Groups
for families affected by addiction I found everyone
plays a part in every story.
Through having a brother
that’s ‘different’ – I know that ‘same’ is no one at all.
Through watching a
sister go through drug addition, that miracles
do happen and continue to.
Through watching a
mother die, that hearts can break in many ways and healing can happen at any stage.
From travelling always -
no matter where you go - you take yourself.
From years of esoteric
study - patterns do play out and, everything
From reading tarot - the
truth is often not what people want
From many small business
ventures it’s best to know what you want and what you are willing to do, really
– then see if they match, and check the same with your partners.
From Teaching and
helping others teach, watching people
express from their essence shines inspiration to the world.
From Coaching &
Mentoring - everyone has their answer
we just need a loving space, the right question and the ability to acknowledge
From all the jobs for
rent and food and (plane tickets round the world), there’s always so much more than
you realise that you offer to the world – every day.
You are way more than your ID card tells you.
From all these years of
life and learning . . . I know it’s all
about love and joy and the courage to choose it - over and over.
What if you could do anything you wanted? There was paint. You had a
blank wall, a room, hey awhole house?
Wow. There I stood in that, a whole house! Just up the hill from
mine, one due to be demolished and, thanks to it’s visionary young owner given over
to the community – to play! We walked in, there were marks of freedom, what-the-hecks and what-ifs everywhere.
But where to start? What to do? My boy knew, he went straight to the spray cans and
the guy with the big mask showing how it was done. There were amazing colours
up the stairs. A whole family were at one wall, the children all fingers, painting. Katharina
had made her dream of a whole room black and her art class kids had trailed
luminous fluorescent beings to creep all over it. I stood there, we had an hour
. . .
Then I remembered it, the dream I’d had that morning. It’s the middle
of winter, someone standing there and the words had come to me ‘drop your mantel’ (I’m
dreaming half German now ;) she drops her heavy coat and glorious starbursts of
colour beam from inside.
And there was the wall and there was the paint . . .
To act on our dreams is to show our willingness to trust our
intuition, to strengthen our relationship with our deep heart's truth.
Pose a question, send a prayer, state your desire before sleeping and
listen for the answer as you wake in the morning. Then act on it. That day.
Guess I'd been asking for clarity, on what to do next.
I want to be led by my heart but like growing any relationship, if it’s not invited, not heard and responded to,
knowing will cease to speak.
Let your heart know it’s been heard.Show it. Hey, throw it a mini art
party, or a what-the-heck big one, or just pull out a pen and write what it
Let's keep asking. I'll start. Tonight I pray for helpful words to write.
You know when you’ve walked
up all the stairs grumbling to your parents probably you’ve done your homework
but there’s no TV, then all those tooth brushing things are finished and you
pull back your pink chenille bottom bunk bed cover and then suddenly your head
is attached to the top bunk and your hair is held by the springs because out
from the pink fringing a black ankle stalking hunter has launched a needle
clawed, full tooth attack? Well that happened for me many nights as a kid.
Arrg! Ok you’d think I’d
learn but who is always present? Every time I could get so mad and kick and
tear my hair (really), hanks hanging from the wire or I would laugh, detach
myself strand by strand and join in for the game.
It gets like that now too.
Do you get that? Like that car cutting me off in traffic, or the kids asking
‘why-is-the-sky-blue?’ questions when it’s time to tie shoes, or that perfect
solution coming to me, an hour too late.
Any time I can lose it, or
keep it together or, better yet I can rise to an all-new place of wonder and
thanks. What if? Like my old aunt used to say “oh, these things are sent to try
me”. What if they are? What if they were all sent for you to try out a new you.
I made my new year’s
resolutions, didn’t you? I sent them out the winds, to god, to the universe and
then? Well, I think this is them coming back.
What if this year you asked
for more patience, more kindness, more joy, more boldness? (ok that’s mine). So
then you step back and watch and all the situations set up just for you, to try
them out. Make your choices. All your buttons are checked and notably poked to
see what you do. Hey and if you don’t get it the first time – there’s plenty
more coming to practice on.
I don’t know what I was
asking for as a kid but I know the Universe wants to give me every chance to be
my brightest and best me. I might have messed up on some of those chances (ok lots)
but now I really know and I’m repeating to myself - The Universe sends me only Angels! And I’m up for welcoming them
Sometimes it feels like Clouseau calling on Cato,
to keep me on my toes, but mostly it feels like a breath of fresh air when I
can turn about, grateful, play along and choose something new.
Hint. Any dose of giggles
Good luck :)
What angel's knocking on your door??
Ok - I'll go first . . . Like the big angel of my kids homework procrastination just turns a big mirror on my own. I can see all those projects marching up and tapping me on the shoulder . . . ok ok, stop trying to fix him - open my own front door :)
Ha you say not all roses - yes, me too, and yet . . .
My favourite words from this year are 'god sends me only angels!'
yep, even the cruddy stuff - every time, underneath was gold.
I had to allow myself to get close enough to it to see though.
And in the end the best place to be was exactly where I was and
bold enough to be all of me.
Here's to you being all of you - wonder full!
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all my best bits wrapped into one present.
I’d hide for hours under the stairs in the corner, way before
there was a Harry. It was my invisible test to see how
long before anyone noticed. I’d hear them passing by and up and down on their
way to rooms or cups of tea. Eventually I’d start to hear “where’s Kaye?” What a funny satisfaction in that simple question mark.
Where is your hiding place? Have you been waiting
for someone else to see you and tell you it’s ok to come out to shine?
And when they did notice and say ‘hey, wonderful, that’s great’ did you pass it off and say ‘oh no’, ‘not that’, ‘not
It took a lot of years to realise it wasn’t up to them to
find me, that I wasn’t a product of another’s reflection, I had my own
shine – inside.
Where's your hiding place? And what are you waiting for?